Feeling Down

What is wrong with me!? I should be feeling like a kiddy on Christmas Eve. I’m in a really unusual, and, what should be very exciting situation. Not only have I qualified for the RDA National Championships (Who’d have thought?); but I am officially looking for a new horse, one that I will continue to do RDA Dressage with, and that I will be able to do some of the brilliant things that the Riding Club do with, and, unusually for me, I’ve got what feels like a massive budget for said horse. Usually I’m buying in the cheaper range, and I’ve been stretching my resources to do that. Not this time. You’d think I’d be like a dog with two tails, bursting with excitement, like a kiddy who’s been told they can have anything they want from the toyshop regardless of it’s price. What iactually feel is – well – nothing much to be honest, and I don’t really understand why. Don’t get me wrong, It’s not that I don’t want another horse, I really do, and I am thoroughly enjoying my newfound RDA Dressage success. I should be buzzing with enthusiasm, but frankly what I feel is flat and a bit down. Somebody take me out and slap me please! I’ve been trying to work out why I’m feeling this way, and I can only imagine it’s for one of the following reasons.

1. It’s not the prospect of having another horse that’s actually the problem here, it’s the act of finding one. I do find the process of buying horses extremely daunting. I miss the days when you buy your local Newspaper on a Thursday or Friday, turn to the, extensive, Horses for Sale section at the back, and read through all the adverts, circling all the likely candidates, then phoning the seller and havinga proper chat with them before deciding to go and have a look at said beast. OK, so, nowadays I wouldn’t be able to actually read the ads myself; but now things have gone on-line even finding horse ads is challenging. Yes, there are plenty of websites where you can buy and sell horses, but they are none of them particularly accessible. Face Book used to be a useful place to look for horses, but they have just banned selling animals. It’s all a bit problematic really. However, that’s just the beginning of the problem, once I find a suitable sounding horse , I’ve then got to go and see it. The act of going to a strange yard, with strange people, who have their own preconceptions about blindess, or who, despite my careful explaination of my situation, may not have fully comprehended that I am blind, and then having to get on a strange horse, that may or may not have been honestly described, and so may or may not be as safe as it’s been cracked up to be, makes me feel very uncomfortable, and extremely vulnerable. I’ve had some, erm, interesting experiences over the years to say the least.

2. Over the last 3 and a bit years we’ve lost 3 horses. OK, Magnum was very old, Sapphire had cancer, and Leonie, well, things weren’t good with her, but nevertheless, 3 horses gone in 3 years is a lot in my book. Now we have Florence and Breeze, who, granted are both in their twenties, but Breeze has had to retire from being ridden, and, despite my earlier post about Florence being on the mend, sadly she seems to be going backwards again at the moment. Florence hasn’t been right all year, and I may yet have to retire her as well. So that’s 3 dead horses, 1 going blind, and 1 with some kind of chronic/intermittent lameness/pain issue. Really, am I the best person to take on another horse? I just seem to break them all the time! Is a new horse going to be safe in my hands? I love horses, all horses, but Florence in particular is the absolute centre of my universe. For the last 6 months she’s been trying to tell me what’s wrong, and I just can’t seem to be able to understand what’s she’s trying to tell me. I’ve spent a fortune on vet’s, tess, and treatments, but things are still not entirely right with her. If I bring another horse onto this yard is it just going to end up trying to tell me something that I just can’t hear? Am I really capable of looking after them properly? I’m really doubting my abilities at the moment, and that’s putting me off going out there and putting any real effort into finding another horse.

As it happens, there is a real lack of horses out there anyway, or at least, if they are there, I’m not seeing the adverts.I keep reading that we are in the midst of a horse crisis, too many horses, not enough people who want, or can afford to take them on, so where are they all then? So far, I’ve only really seen one horse that I would have wanted to go and view, and that sold within a week of me first seeing the ad. Now, I know that I have quite specific requirements, but really, all I need is a safe,responsive, weight carrier. What I actually want is a younger Florence, perhaps one who is more comfortable travelling, and who is a little bit less bitey ,but neverthe less, Florence, her personality,attitude, and build, is just right for me. They must be out there somewhere, but all I’m seeing advertised is ex racehorses (I’d snap a Thoroughbred), imacculately bred, high powered warm bloods and Sports Horses, ponies, or horses that sound ideal, but nap, have an injury, aren’t safe on the roads, or have never been in a school. I keep seeing the same horses on every site, or I think I’ve found a good one, but it’s in Ireland, or is being listed by a Dealer, who is regularly mentioned on the Dodgey Dealers listsNot only that, but this purchase is dependant on the sale of Hal’s late parents hous. Well, that’s going well, not. Today is the day we were supposed to be completing. Yeh right. We’ve just been told that the buyers, who were supposed to be cash buyers, hence why Hal accepted such a low offer. haven’t quite got there mortgage sorted yet! So now they are screwing us around and apparently can’t complete until 1st July. That is of course if they are actually going to complete and aren’t some kind of fantasists. Let’s face it, it’s a long way from cash buyers to can’t get the mortgage sorted. So there probably isn’t going to be a new horse anyway. So wht am I worried about.

Take it Away Nik!

Well, this RDA Nationals thing is all getting a bit real now. I’ve got all my coaching sessions booked, the first of which was on Wednesday, and there’s been a meeting about the costs, which days we are all riding on (Saturday for yours truly), and accomodation. The Group are taking Fourteen horses, and it’s going to cost in excess of £3000 for the weekend! I think I need to start doing some fundraising/PR for the group.

On Wednesday, which was the first time I have been back to Lakefield since Regionals, I picked up my score sheet and rosettes, and had a half hour coaching session with Mark. It’s made me realise that , even though my fitness has greatly improved throughout the first half of the year, there is still much to do. We worked on getting Willow to be more immediately responsive to my leg. Mark did explain that, as Willow is a Riding School/RDA horse, she is not expected to be too sharp and responsive to evry movement that the rider makes, after all, some of her regular riders make involuntary leg and arm movements because of their particular condition; however,she is capable of working from behind and accepting the bit with a capable rider.That would be me then allegedly. It seems strange to me that last week, when I had a lesson with Melissa and Goldie, everything went so well, and I had Goldie really responding to my leg, even riding the best circle I’ve ever ridden, but this week with Mark and Willow, well, lets just say it all felt like a bit of a struggle. What has impressed/amazed me though is that on Wednesday Mark had me doing quite a bit without stirrups, and I haven’t yet died as a result. I actually can’t remember the last time I did any real work without stirrups. Yes, somewhere in the annuls of Hals iphone there is a short video of me riding half way down our school on Florence squealing “It hurts, It hurts, it hurts”, but I really only rode the length of the school. On Wednesday I must have done about ten minutes. I must be doing something right during my daily struggle to get fit, lose weight, and turn my diabetes around, because I haven’t suffered very much in the aftermath at all. Yes, my hips are a bit sore this morning, but that’s got more to do with sitting on my backside for most of yesterday watching the monsoon that was going on outside. Honestly, it’s supposed to be June!

So, now I have some goals around weight and fitness that I want to hit before Nationals. I want to be under a certain weight, I want to be able to ride the exercise bike for a certain length of time on a certain tension, and I want to be able to ride Florence inthe school without stirrups for a certain amount of time. I’ll let you know how it goes. Hopefully, if these three things come together, alongside my coaching sessions with Mark, and lessons with Melissa, I will be in the best place to give it my best shot at Nationals.

PS. For anyone who doesn’t follow the Poo Picking in the Dark FB Page, excitingly I am now officially horse hunting.